THE ILLUSION OF PERMANENCE

What is a human life, after all? We all stumble through it with our triumphs and our disappointments.

I drive across the desert or through the plains of the Midwest and Canada and see all the tumble down places and shelter belts that no longer shelter any buildings at all and wonder who once lived there and what they dreamed would become of what they so laboriously built. I wonder how much would still be recognizable on my parent's ranch today.

Even in my younger life, the original 160 acre plots people had homesteaded in the early 1900s had been absorbed in much larger holdings of several quarters or sections, and there were a few traces here and there of buildings and fences that had long since disappeared. Since then, the trend has increased exponentially.

We bought the property we now own (in partnership with Nationstar) in Cottonwood a little over six years ago, and we've made a few improvements and planted some trees and shrubs. Mr. Guhl, the former owner had died, and it was too much for his wife to keep up. She moved into some kind of retirement community, and the place became ours, but that is only interim also. The day will inevitably come when we will either die or have to give it up for someone else to take over.

The last time I was in Pasadena, the downtown was totally different. That great mall on Colorado Boulevard had gone belly up. Ambassador College was still recognizable, but it wouldn't be today. Many of those magnificent old buildings we took such pride in have been razed to the ground and replaced with something more in keeping with what the population of today needs. That, too, will likely only be temporary.

Nothing is so permanent as change. Nothing more temporary than our personal accomplishments.

SURVIVAL AFTER DEATH

I was ruminating over the common belief that we go on living in something that's often referred to as a spiritual or astral existence after we die. Those who believe such things assume we're just a physical mirror of something more permanent and invisible that goes on after we die.

Comforting beliefs, but why doesn't that separate existence come into play when our brains are deadened by anesthetic? How can that entity speak without a mouth, hear without an ear, feel without a body, see without an eye, etc., all of which function through a brain that is physical and ceases to operate once its supply of oxygenated blood is cut off?

Resusitation of a dead person doesn't lead to anything except a vegetative existence if the physical brain is deprived of oxygen for any significant period of time and even that has a definite time period attached to it. It looks to me like anything "spiritual" is inexorably dependent on that fatty mass of tissue that resides inside our skulls.

I've not experienced anesthesia more than a couple times, but I can't tell you a solitary thing about what went on while I was "out." Why didn't I astral travel like some people claim they can? All we have as evidence for their doing so is the anecdotal claims they make for what could be nothing more than a vivid imagination and a daydream. I've had some pretty vivid daydreams in my time, and you probably have also. I can dredge up pictures from my boyhood on that North Dakota ranch anytime and about several other places I've lived. I can make them pretty vivid and if I let myself or was impressionable enough, I might even be sure I went back there in spirit.

I know this proves nothing, but neither do extraordinary claims which require extraordinary evidence and proofs before they can be established as facts. Courts don't accept "hearsay," and neither am I prepared to do so.

THINK, DAMMIT!

Religion and politics are both a money and power game. That's why our founders tried so hard to keep them separate and why we had to have a Bill of Rights before the former colonists would ratify the Constitution. It's been under assault continuously ever since.

The problem with religion is not the average "believer" who carelessly goes along with whatever his forbears and the culture saddles him with, and the same is true with the average political loyalty of the average person who just buys in emotionally to some groups propaganda for innumerable psychological reasons.

The problem is the "leaders" whose power and affluence depend on selling a bill of goods which furthers their nefarious objectives of control, and enrichment, I saw it in action when I was ensnared in Herbert Armstrong's cult. He was ruthless once he had a power base and reacted in fury to any challenge of his position while he lived the luxurious life of an oriental potentate.

I've learned to ask, "What's the real agenda here?"

Think, people! I know it takes effort, and it's not fashionable. But -- just think!

FACING REALITY

Another famous dead person from show business, Lauren Bacall. At least she died of a massive stroke at the age of 89. That's a good long life!

Soon all those of my generation are going to be among the fondly remembered and in a few decades, they'll slowly slip from people's minds just like the silent film era stars did. It's the inevitable fate we all face.

I guess that's why the fiction of continuing existence in heaven, reincarnation on earth and numerous other fanciful notions are so compelling. We don't like the thought of just disappearing from reality in a blast of finality. We're too unique, too special. We just can't fathom not being anymore, not seeing, not hearing, not doing loving things for people dear to us, etc.

I've had to struggle against the reality that cold reason and plain old facts forces upon us. That's another reason I don't seek after funerals and memorials anymore. I know what people expect, and I just can't conscientiously deliver it. I'm not a liar. I don't believe in furthering fantasy and false hopes. For a while I could skirt the edges because I wasn't totally convinced myself. That has all changed now. I'm absolutely convinced that this temporal existence is the real "it." I'll be just as gone as those moths being fried in my bug light.

It would be comforting to still believe in a resurrection or wafting off to heaven and some waiting 'pearly gates.' Waiting for Santa every Christmas used to be comforting too to my naive little mind. Then, I got smart and pretended to be asleep and knew all about my parents pulling stuff out of the attic and putting those things under the tree and pouring all those goodies into the stockings.

It happens to stars. It happens to everything else in the universe. Birth, existence in more or less a blaze of glory for a definite period of time and then it's all over. Even the earth on which we depend won't last forever.

I had my birth. Much of my life was a blaze of glory now that I look back on it. Now, it's beginning to fade at an increasingly rapid rate. One day, it will be over, just like Lauren's and Robin's lives and just like all those others I've known, interacted with and who are now gone.

Do I like it? Can't say I do. I just have to face it and make the most of it.

COULD I BE SUICIDAL?

There has to be a lot of pain and/or despair in someone's life for them to commit suicide. On the surface, one would think Robin Williams had it made. He was famous. He was loved and respected, praised as a talented comedian and actor. I doubt that he had deep financial worries and he was married to a woman I assume he loved deeply and had children he loved very much.

His wife's parents used to live in unit 5 of the condo complex Phyllis bought into in Phoenix and which I moved into when we got married. However, they were no longer there at that time. He used to come by to see them.

I saw on TV how he felt that the most wonderful things that had happened to him in life was welcoming his children into the world. I can identify with that. Yet, something was just too overwhelming for him to face any longer.

Would I ever come to the place where I'd rather die than go on? I have to honestly say, yes. Right now, no. Life is just too good and too interesting. But, that could easily change. There could come a time when the pain of going on is just too much, the struggle more than one can bear.

And, don't give me any high falutin' "spiritual" garbage about it. If a revered Israelite king could fall on his sword to prevent capture by and humiliation from the enemy, I can decide life has become intolerable and end it all. That would be my business and nobody else's.

So, thanks for all the laughs and for all the good you tried to do, Robin. You'll be remembered longer than most people are, so that's a little bit of immortality -- the only kind any of us can count on achieving.

LIFE'S REALITIES

I drug the steam machine out of my van and hauled it into the house so I could clean our carpets. They really needed it. I ended up totally exhausted and torn over whether to put the machine back in my van or figure a way to store it at home. I knew this day was coming, but I didn't realize how devastating it would be emotionally.

You know life forces changes on you, but until they actually come about, it's somewhat hazy and ethereal and the actual reality eludes one for a long time. At eighteen, sticking a pitchfork into the corner of a stack of hay and glorying in rolling it into a hay wagon like it was nothing became a way of life for me until way past middle age. Young men really do glory in their strength and it's hard to really grasp what it's going to be like when it begins, with ever growing rapidity, to decline.

I sat for a while on the patio and mulled the situation over, only to have a former neighbor stop by and ask if I'd be willing to do their living room and kitchen carpets for them and what I'd charge. I guess I can handle that yet, but it was only a short while ago that I would have greedily sought after such a job. Now, I don't even advertise for them.

If you're young, treasure that strength and agility and employ it judiciously so you don't end up with a bad back or some other problem. Enjoy all you can while you have the ability and you'll be able to look back with satisfaction when you get where i am at things you've done and accomplished. It's still going to hurt though when it all goes bye bye.

It will go bye bye!

GOD IS A "FUCK UP!"

(fROM fACEBOOK.)

I was finishing up a late breakfast and Phyllis was showing me some things she was thinking of ordering, including a non-sticky fly catcher. It got me ruminating about things that pissed me off at "god" even when I was dumb enough to wholeheartedly believe in that nonsense.

I couldn't begin to list all the travesties of the natural world that inspire loathing and revulsion at the very concept of a "loving" creator but mosquitoes have to be near the top of the list. Any supreme being who could think up those insidious little blood sucking, disease carrying monsters has to be a sadist on galactic proportions. The disgusting litany of horrible parasites that infest us and the rest of the natural world have to be right up there with them.

Then, what about all the genetic horrors that seem to come out of nowhere to afflict just about every species inhabiting this planet. I mean, we can, when we're careful about it, mass produce perfect products in an endless stream, but "god" can't stop a mongoloid child from coming down the pike.

Supposedly, he's all knowing, all powerful, all wise, ad infinitum and ad nauseum. In fact, that fictional construct is a "fuck up" of cosmic proportions that only infantile and deluded minds could have dreamed up.

I used to love Superman comics when I was a kid and all the other super hero constructs as well, but then, I grew up and became a bit more rational. However, it was a process that took many decades because, at age 18, I substituted something just as ludicrous as Superman, etc. and dutifully served and preached that nonsense for a mighty long time.

Come on, now. There's one statement Paul made that I agree with, but even he wasn't following it. "When I was a child, I spake as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things (KJV)."

God concepts originated when the human race had hardly reached the toddler stage yet we hang onto them like a scared little kid who won't go to sleep without his or her "teddy."