Getting back in the swing of things.
I did a few more improvements this afternoon. For one, there was a ceiling fan hanging in the shop I didn't use because a floor fan worked better. I found today that it wasn't working, so down it came and got broken up into various types of recycling. That opens a rafter for some hooks to hang tools I'll soon be taking out of my van. I just don't need to carry all that weight around when I'm dropping the floor work. Still planning to hang onto the van though.
It really bothers me psycologically to give up the business. It was so much a part of my identity for so long. I miss going out, doing a small job and coming home with extra money in my wallet. I also miss the interaction with interesting people and feeling like I was a help to them. I know now how my dad must have felt when he had to move off the ranch. He had to do it seven years sooner than I did because that ranch work was a whole lot more demanding in a climate like that of North Dakota. Being stuck out there just wasn't feasible anymore.
It's all about facing and accepting realities. Life is full of those situations and I've had my share, just like everyone else. Those who refuse to change when change is called for are in for trouble of all kinds and sometimes it leads to disaster when there is total refusal to accept reality.
I had to accept the reality that what I thought was a lifetime career was over and had to find my way into a new one. I had to accept that a forever marriage was very temporal more than once and make the most of the situation. I had to carefully think through the whole direction of my life and slowly evolve from religious fanaticism to secular reason. Those are just the most major of the changes I've been through. There are too many to enumerate. Just sitting here writing this entry is a major change in my lifestyle that would have seemed an impossibility not too many years ago.
Change is not an enemy unless we stubbornly make it so. Glad I wrote this. It helps me sort things out and view them rationally.